Note No. 34

December 22, 2009

Highlights from when my friend, Sam, and I were let off the island last night to do our Christmas shopping in Cancun:

“What kind of a Scrooge would turn down a free hug?” (Whilst we, too, pass up complimentary cuddles from a rather broad-chested young man outside of an eyeglass store.)
“There’s gotta be a catch.”
“He probably crushes your glasses so you have to buy another pair.”

Me, setting off the security alarms in every store, until the kind officer in Pull & Bear takes my bags, finds the offending tag (I did NOT steal those headphones. I have a receipt; thank you very much) and disables it.

At dinner break, just after Sam spills some food on his lap:
“Why would they give you half a napkin? Why would they reinvent something? That’s ridiculous. Doesn’t even cover my pants. Motherfucker.”

After dinner whilst standing there, holding the new Black Eyed Peas CD in an attempt to sneakily buy it for Sam, who walks over with the sales assistant after having just asked him if they have the Peas single, “I Gotta Feeling:”
“You’ve got it there in your hand.”
“I know.”
“It’s the entire album.”
“I know. You can’t just buy the single.”
“So should I get it?”
“No.”
“What? Were you going to get it for me?”
“Well, I was GOING to.”
“You can get it for me.”
“Okay.” A beat. “But then it’s not a surprise. And you have to wait till Christmas to open it. Can you do that?”
He ponders this. “I can get it. You wanna get it? You don’t even like it.”
“I know. But I was going to get it for you. That’s the spirit of giving.”

At the perfume counter, just after Sam puts on four colognes in less than five minutes:
“You can’t just put on multiple fragrances.”
“Why?” (Whilst waving the offending tester hand at my face.)
“You just got it on my nose!”
“You don’t like Tommy?”

“Maybe we should go get our free hugs.”

“Everybody from the island’s here.”
“They realized it’s the 21st.”

“Aramis. It reminds me of 1972.”
“What is it?”
“A cologne.” (Whilst waving the offending tester hand at my face.)
“I can’t smell it. There’s too many.”

After finally getting our free hugs:
“Tingly.”

Whilst strolling through a department store women’s section:
“What do you want for Christmas?”
“Nothing.”
“Good.”
“Yeah, let’s not exchange presents.”
Two minutes later, whilst fondling a silky leopard print top:
“This is nice, Margaret. Ralph Lauren.”
“It’s heinous.”
“Is it?”
“Definitely don’t want anything for Christmas.”

At Zara:
“I really like this bracelet. Should I get it?”
“Yeah. It’s beautiful. Should I pick it up for you?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because then I have to pay you back for your CD. We’re not exchanging presents. God, your hand stinks.”

“That’s cool.”
“What is it?”
“I think you wrap it around your neck. No, wait. It’s a belt. Oh, God; I feel like such an island bumpkin.”

On the very last ferry back to the island:
“600. Then 700. Then 1200. What is that? 2500? I spent 2500 pesos? How did I do that?”

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